I’ve taken a vow of abstinence…

People crave what they cannot have. It has been like that from the dark ages: fire, wheel, gold, money, sex… If it’s hard to get it’s prolly worth having.

Ok, it’s pretty hard to get people to believe you’ve really turned to a life of strict celibacy for more than a month. But it looks like the guy from 40 Days and 40 Nights is pulling it off. In fact: even his copycats are pulling it off.

Bottom line: this one may be a keeper, albeit in a subtle form. Don’t lay it on too thick. Oh, and you have to be reasonably desirable in the first place to get away with a line like this. Oh, and you have to be a guy, for maximum surprise effect.

Hey babe, wanna give me a hand?

…cuz the doctor said: “No heavy lifting”.

Ok, first of all: no girl is gonna believe that.
Secondly: girls shouldn’t do any heavy lifting on the first date anyway.

As far as pickup lines go, this must well be one of the worst. That makes sense though, because it was also just uttered by one of the sleezy characters in the vampire d-movie “Blood Angels”. So — unless you’re a newly recuited vampire with a huge …umm… ego — steer clear of this phrase, please!

There’s this Italian painter…

In the film Next, the character Cris Johnson (played by Nicholas Cage) is at some point watching the woman of his dreams (played by Jessica Biel) come out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a white towel. That’s when he goes all “artsy” — and boy is she eating out of his hand after that. Here’s the quote:

There’s an Italian painter named Carlotti, and he defined beauty. He said it was the summation of the parts working together in such a way that nothing needed to be added, taken away or altered. And that’s you — you’re beautiful.

Her “Wow.” is then followed with some kissing and all other kinds of fireworks.

Bottom line: know your classics — and your timing. And hope you’re still able to think straight when you see the object of your desire dressed in something that looks like it’s gonna drop to the floor any minute.

I was filming you because I want you to star in my movie

Yeah right, Spielberg (!)
But ummm {…flicks hair…} tell me, what’s it gonna be about then……..?

Needless to say that the guy uttering a variant on this phrase in the film Fear Dot Com was a right creep. In fact you’re gonna have to be pretty good to make it not sound creepy. The guy in the film even added “This is gonna sound like a pick-up line…” which is never very helpful.

So this entry is not really a tip for pick-up artists, but more like a warning for gullible movie-stars-in-the-bud to stay away from creeps.

Do we know each other?

… as Brad Pitt said to Catherine Zeta-Jones in the film Ocean’s Twelve. Don’t go see that film, by the way.

But really, this line is pretty vague, so it’s a good way to make contact if you’re shy. However, you really have to be ready for the response — even if it’s not what you were hoping for. For instance, think about a witty reply for something like:

  • Yeah, but I wish we had never met.
  • Yeah, we dated last week, you creep!
  • No, but I know about your kind and how to avoid it.
  • Do you know my mum?

Pretty difficult, no? Bottom line: this particular chat-up line is only for the very brave.

Me Tarzan, you Jane

One can’t help being reminded of early Tarzan movies by this famous line. Tarzan’s struggle to build proper sentences must have won at least 90% of Jane’s heart. The little loin cloth did the rest, although I wouldn’t recommend wearing one of those on your first date.

Like any good pick-up artist and yodeller, Tarzan was both impressive and shy. However, the most famous Tarzan of all, Johnny Weissmuller, was not only a very good swimmer and pretty boy, but a very witty man indeed.

Actually, if you search an old Tarzan video for the line “Me Tarzan, you Jane”, you won’t even find it. It was in fact never in the original script. Instead, Weissmuller came up with this little joke when he helped lift the leading lady’s heavy suitcase into a car, and literally used it as a… pick-up line 🙂

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