Chat-Up Expert

…what can I do to really let you know I’m sorry?

This line was used in a Criminal Minds episode, by a rather sleazy-looking guy in a bar. She responded with “How about a drink.”

So far so good. However, this approach has several tiny little shortcomings:

• First of all, the woman in question turned out to be a serial killer,
  à la Jack the Ripper. And yup: he snuffed it within the hour.
• Bumping into people makes a man look like a drunk buffalo; only a small subset of ladies fall for that. Unless — of course — they themselves are… Right: you get the picture.
• Most women — of the non-drunk non-buffalo type — would have used mace or applied a knee to the groin without hesitation. Also not good on a first date.

Conclusion: the only way this method could possibly work is when the bumper is in fact a lady, and the bumpee a man, and a docile or very eager one at that.