Chat-Up Expert

Well, this is a promising one, especially since most girls are perpetually cold — even if they’re hot. But I’m pretty sure it would work on guys as well, mainly because guys are easy.

The character Kojo from the tv series Zeke & Luther came up with this line. And, even though the target audience of that tv series is not likely to be into chatting up just yet, it’s a good one for them to remember. Hear me kids? Write it down!

There are many possible variants, including but not limited to:

• a quick rebuttal to a remark like “Ew, my lips are soooo dry.”
• a question of the sort “Would you like to know what that bonbon I just had tasted like?”
• something like “I’m really biting my lip right now, but I’d rather bite yours instead.”

Ok ok, they’re all a bit (!) cheesy, but use them with confidence and flair and you’ll do ok. The last one is the most risky one — never use that as your very first pickup line unless you like to get slapped in the face. The other ones are innocent enough to at least break the ice. Good luck!

This was one of the pickup lines from a series collected by Graham Norton in his own show. People in the audience shared their favourite lines with him. Of course, the guy who suggested this one said he had never actually used it…

Which is just as well because Graham called it horrible, and suggested it was on par with saying a man had just suffered a premature McFlurry. Which is also not a particularly nice phrase to use.

All in all: best to skip the burger theme. If you must compare a person to a bit of food, try a bonbon or maybe some fruit.

…cuz the doctor said: “No heavy lifting”.

Ok, first of all: no girl is gonna believe that.
Secondly: girls shouldn’t do any heavy lifting on the first date anyway.

As far as pickup lines go, this must well be one of the worst. That makes sense though, because it was also just uttered by one of the sleezy characters in the vampire d-movie “Blood Angels”. So — unless you’re a newly recuited vampire with a huge …umm… ego — steer clear of this phrase, please!

…as found on Twitter

Please note that the lines published above are not edited in any way. As well as the odd gem, they may well contain profanity or even trash in general. Still: gotta listen to the world or you might miss out on something really brilliant.

Edit:——–
This post recently updated to show a new set of tweets. Be sure to check the Twitter hashtag search #cornypickuplines regularly.

— Why?
— Because, when you entered the room, you sent a spark through my body.

Of course this line is cheesy as hell, and not everyone will be able get away with it. According to standup comedian Lee Mack, performing live at the Apollo at the time, it might well be followed by a riposte of the sort…:

— Are you a fishmonger then?
— Umm, why?
— Because you stink!

So, first of all, remember to shower before ever having a shot at the “electrician” pickup line. And save it for a special occasion, for example when chatting up to people in overalls.

Not really a line from a tv show, but revealed on Top Gear in an interview with Peter Firth from Spooks. He admitted to once having tried to pick up Jenny Agutter at a promotional party for a film they did together. Needless to say he had had a few drinks at the time.

Alas — for him — she replied: “I can give you several!”.

Lesson learnt here: don’t ever give your “targets” the opportunity to come up with a reason to reject you, because they will, involuntarily even, whether they want to or not.

Hmmm, this is not the kind of line that you’d expect to lead to a ten-minute conversation. But apparently, it did. According to the newly released UFO files, there has been at least one bloke claiming to be an alien and babbling on for at least 10 minutes before sending the object of his “inter-species affection” running.

From the same article:

…the man claimed his race was responsible for creating crop circles and also explained he felt it was important for contact between the two peoples to occur. As she ran home, the woman heard a loud buzzing noise behind her, and turned to see a large, glowing spherical object…

Of course there are a couple of valuable lessons to be learned here:

• Delivery is everything. Some people will listen to anything if you manage to grab and hold their attention.
• Make sure you create some sort of buzz when you leave. Dunno about “large, glowing spherical objects” on the first date though…
• Lastly: if you can make the other person look back when leaving, you are 90% there. Keep working on the remaining 10% and you’ll get there in the end.

followed by
…Doesn’t that feel like boyfriend material to you?

This one is from tonight’s Graham Norton show, so it was probably meant to be cheesy. It didn’t work either. In fact it got no reaction, other than a laugh from the audience.

Bottom line: don’t use any pick-up lines that Graham Norton’s script writers have come up with.

followed by
…then take down your Snickers and I’ll give you a Boost.

Of course this is the sort of line that will get you nowhere. But at least your mates will have a bit of a laugh.

For your information, this is a wordplay on candy bar brands, which may not be available everywhere. To be safe, take at least one of each with you, in case the girl gets really pissed off. A bit of real choc might take the edge off things.

NEVER ever use this line unless you’re a rock star or if you’re really desperate and you’re chatting up to the mingiest of mingers. Will it work? Well, given those circumstances it might, but really…. this is not the way to success.

The line above is clearly related to this one. Maybe it’s even cheesier. It’s also a bit old-fashioned actually, because we are all carrying mobile phones nowadays. On that note: it might be better to txt the message to the mother in question, and then quickly switch the phone off…

Hat-tip to “Jay” for the UK version.

A good lady friend of mine got this one thrown at her once.She may well have feigned not being able to find her coat. Pretty cheeky if you ask me. I mean the chat-up line, not the reluctancy to fall for it. Better luck next time eh.

One of today’s best known chat-up lines is Joey’s — from the famous and award-winning sitcom Friends. People are still debating whether the line is actually working or not, because on the one hand it is very cheesy but on the other hand he always seems to get the girl. I like to believe he scores despite the cheesy pick-up line.

Practise in front of the mirror. Make sure you get the eyebrows right. And please report back if this line is actually working for you or not. Fingers crossed…