Chat-Up Expert

As was recently revealed by Spencer Elden, appearing on the BBC TV show Never Mind The Buzzcocks, this line got him — and I quote —

… at least two [into bed] maybe more …

OK, this baby-on-a-grunge-album-cover pickup line may not work for everyone. Especially since his adult face has now been on TV quite often. However, there are more opportunities:

For example, those of you over 40 might get away with claiming they are one of the cherub-like little kids on Led Zep’s Houses of the Holy album. Although they turned out to become quite well-known actually, so that’s probably not the best of choices for people other than wavey blondes called Samantha.

Girls of the same era could maybe claim to be one of Queen’s famous 65 Bicycle Girls — as depicted on the Jazz album’s bonus poster. Surely there’s one on there who looks a bit like your former self? From any side you choose?

Hm this makes me wonder whatever became of that hot Asian-looking woman in the China Girl clip… But never mind :–)

For those of you ladies on the pull, who are a bit older even: why not aim high, and tell the guys that it was your mouth that stood model for the original Rolling Stones 1971 “tongue and lips” logo…?

Just a quick extra tip: if you’re using this line on a geeky target, then make sure to check on Wikipedia and IMDB first if the one you’re impersonating hasn’t grown too famous as an adult. Be careful… but be creative!

Ok, here’s a quick how-to for guys to get girls to buy them a drink. It may even work vice versa — w00t!!

Please note that these methods are untested, so Chatup cannot vouch for them. However, they look promising. So, we would like to hear from you if these tricks …ummm… techniques really work.

P.S.: Take heed of the “Warnings” section…:

• Women who roll their eyes and don’t display a sense of humor in response to your antics aren’t worth your time. Move on.
• If you get a consistently negative attitude from the women you hit on, you probably look like you’re trying too hard, or are playing too far out of your league.
• If she catches on that you’re trying to manipulate her into buying you a drink, you’ll be in trouble.

Even though the “Can I buy you a drink” chat-up line is all tried and tested and pretty successful as far as chat-up lines go, there is an interesting variant that you might wanna check out.

The thing is that if you buy people a drink, they may just accept only because they are thirsty rather than interested. Using the following method — however — you can separate the winners from the time-wasters using just one simple phrase.
Try this if you’re confident:

— Can I buy you a drink?
  — Sure, I’ll have a G&T.
— Oh wait, I seem to have left my wallet in my Porsche.
  — That’s ok, lemme buy you a drink instead

What does that spell? S-C-O-R-E!

This one — again — is only for the fast thinkers. I mean you’re soooo gonna get slapped in the face with a clever answer. So, unless you can come up with something even cleverer, it’s “Bye bye love, bye bye sweet caress.”

Maybe it would be best if you suggested some cool place where you could possibly have met before, like for instance:

• highschool — a safe bet
• the same bar you’re in now — an even safer bet
• a sauna
• Sunday school?
• modelling agency
• she used to be your nanny???

Ok, let’s not get carried away. Concentrate, focus, strike and conquer.
Depending on your next line, this one might just work.

PS: if you really know this other person and if you have photos to prove it, please DON’T be tempted. Just sayin’.

This must be one of the cleverest word-play chat-up lines in the book. After all, you can always pretend to have meant it in the figurative sense. It’s not really expected to work, but maybe if the object of your attention is in the mood for some physical contact, it might lead to something. Then again it’s a bit long, so she/he will see you coming from miles away. Save it for a special occasion to be safe.

Hat-tip to Ken Jones for reminding us of this one.

According to this comics artist, the line above should be attributed to some zombie. Ok.

Other than that, even the rock band Queen has sung about this pick-up line, cheekily adding to it like so:

I love you for your mind,
Baby gimme your body

Clever.

That was the last thing she heard before she was clubbed over the head.Needless to say the power was not in the chat-up line as much as it was in the clubbing action. Cavemen didn’t mess about back then… they just went for it and took what they thought was rightfully theirs. Ahh, those were the good old days.*

* disclaimer: please note the satire – this blog does not condone clubbing women (or men for that matter)

Chatting up is not limited to humans. Oh no. Even frogs are known to try and woo a pretty princess.
This particular frog — actually an enchanted prince from the fairy tale “The Princess and the Frog” — used the line:

What ails you, king’s daughter? You weep so that even a stone would show pity.

It didn’t seem to work at first, but we all know what came out of it in the end. The princess in question was just playing “hard-to-get”.

A bit of a niche chat-up line though — only for special occasions…